holding my pride tight until your tears dry;

[recrypt]

Comments

[recrypt]

[ she arches her own brow in return, but before she can respond, a doll's voice cuts in, audible to them both, sharp and bitter and matter of fact: "We're talking about UMP45, whose personality contains less than 5% kindness. Do you honestly expect her to go 'Let's abandon the mission for the sake of everyone's safety' or something like that?" ... I told you, you can't believe a word she says."

"Are you finally getting rid of us?"

"Have you lost your mind?! You can't be the real one! 45 would never do something like this for us--" ]

... Well. I was going to say something, but.

[swordflash]

[ he squints in visible confusion once the voice fades. after that other memory, it's hard to reconcile 45 in front of him with the picture of 45 painted by the voice's claims.

matter of fact? more like paranoia. 45 definitely has more than 5% kindness. ]

Who was that voice? Why would she say such awful things? I can't believe it!

[recrypt]

Her?

Haha. She's known me a lot longer than any of you have.

[swordflash]

Does that mean you agree with everything she said? 45 . . . !

[ he drags out the last syllable of her name in a pleading tone. ]

Your personality has way more kindness than that!

[recrypt]

Does it? You barely know me. For all you know, I've been pretending this whole time.

After all, aren't there still plenty of people who don't like me here?

[ she can't be that different, compared to back home. ]

[swordflash]

[ yes, and they're crazy. ]

If you really are pretending, you wouldn't be saying that.

Do you want to be seen as unkind that much?

[recrypt]

[ zenitsu you're calling half your positive cr crazy. beau doesn't like her. asch doesn't like her. lili doesn't like her. outside of the ones who actively dislike her, plenty more people don't even know what to make of her. ]

Is it really want, I wonder? It's simply how things are. Maybe I'm just being honest, finally.

But it's not like you have to take my word for it. What do you think, hm?

[swordflash]

[ most people he knows are crazy. that doesn't mean he likes them any less. those three in particular are definitely crazy.

for alleged honesty, that sounds way too roundabout for him. ]

I think . . . you're the kindest doll I know.

[ between the memories, the stories, and the encounters; this is what he believes. ]

[recrypt]

I'm the only doll you know.

[swordflash]

That's true.

But, thanks to your memories, I at least know of a few more. You're not the most upfront about your feelings, 45, but I believe that you're kind and compassionate!

[recrypt]

... Well. You are free to believe whatever you will. After all, a doll hardly has any business prying into the affairs of humans.

Hopefully these fanciful notions aren't shattered too terribly when the time comes.

[swordflash]

[ yeah, she really isn't upfront (or he could just be exercising poor judgment, neither of which would be new.) a nice guy like hunter fell for her, and that's proof enough for him. in no foreseeable future does he suspect that his notions will be shattered. ]

You don't have to pry. I like talking to you. If there's anything you want to know, you can always ask.

[recrypt]

You know, you shouldn't want someone like me knowing your secrets. Even if I am curious, that's hardly any reason to have to talk about anything.

[ she'll toe the line, sure, because she needs to Know Things like it's written into her cloud, but 404 respects the golden rule of 'don't ask about each other's pasts,' so. ]

[swordflash]

Secrets?

[ he blinks. ]

There are plenty of other things we can talk about. Now that you've brought it up, though, I'm also curious. What did you want to know?

[recrypt]

Giving me a blank cheque despite everything I've just said?

[ really, does no one listen to her anymore? she hums mildly, ignoring the storm outside. ]

... Back where you come from. You've talked about your grandfather and brother before, but.

What are the people around you like?

[ reina latched onto her because she didn't have anyone else. that much, at least, is understandable. why is it that zenitsu is doing the same? ]

[swordflash]

[ right. his grandfather and brother . . .

well, none of this is a secret, so he sees no harm in sharing. ]

They're people doing their best to get by, just like everyone else. I wasn't exactly close to anyone. Until the mansion, I didn't even have friends.

[ because, really, who'd want to befriend an incompetent crybaby? ]

[recrypt]

Huuu~uuuh.

[ it's lilting, but there's no particular emotion to be found in the exhalation. it's just a mildly thoughtful noise. ]

And here I thought humans were social creatures. Sounds awfully lonely. I suppose the world hasn't changed much in over a hundred years... well. The people haven't, anyway.

[swordflash]

[ she's right on both accounts, but her comment piques his curiosity. ]

What do you mean?

[recrypt]

The notion of people simply doing their best to get by, whether it leads them to paying any attention to others or not. I suppose that's really all people ever have done. Look after themselves first, and only look outward if they can afford to, or if it becomes necessary to in order to survive.

[ when self-reliance isn't enough, and only through coming together with what's left of humanity can they weather the collapse.

not that the politics have changed any, or these countries' bitter pride. but then again, what's a doll like her know about the affairs of humans. ]

[swordflash]

[ more than she thinks, though he isn't sure that he entirely agrees. certainly, there are people out there who prioritize their own survival and don't care to even lean on others; however, most people aren't so closed off nor stingy in his opinion. ]

Well, most people have their families and friends. I just didn't have anyone like that, growing up.

[recrypt]

[ there's a certain type of person she's seen the most of, after all. maybe it just colors her knowledge. ]

And what a pity that is. Then again, people made orphans by the war are hardly rare these days either.

[swordflash]

[ that's the true pity—kids abandoned for reasons pertaining to violence. ]

There's always a war going on, isn't there? Regardless of the country or period.

[recrypt]

So long as people can believe in something enough to come into conflict with others for it. So long as there are things they think are worth dying for.

So long as they think that some things are worth the cost to themself and others. Whether those things are friends and family, country and home, or something else entirely... Well.

[ there's no censure in her voice. there's really just a lot of nothing. ]

[swordflash]

[ half of those things, and then things he wants to die for—he can't even imagine. he's not extraordinary like those people. he wonders if 45's got something like that going for her. ]

Is something really worth dying for? When you die, that's the end. You'd be leaving that something behind . . .

[recrypt]

... That's a bad question to ask a doll. If you asked a doll other than me, they'd probably say dying doesn't really matter for dolls. Normally we can't really die, so long as people care enough to bring us back.