Because his own memory, frustrating though it was to share, is still shaped by his current convictions. Had 45 asked him if he still felt the same way today, Sanji's reply would have been an even, bemused stare, as if asking why she bothered to question in the first place.
A memory that is private, but proof of Sanji's pride.
45's memory, however... What he just felt and witnessed looked like death, and his expression chills into place]
... no. If I'd died there, I wouldn't remember it.
[ slowly, she traces the scar running down her face, across her eye. ]
I survived that, somehow. But ...
[ the memory is pretty certain, even with the way it cuts off abruptly at the end. ]
I don't know how. I can't remember anything after that. Just remembering that at all is an effort, with the encryptions placed on me. But there was no way I could have fought her off, after that, and it's doubtful she suddenly decided to show mercy and spare me after everything.
[The shock has run its course, allowing Sanji to pull back from his concern long enough for questions. Normally he'd remember his place, take his time or decide not to ask anything at all -- but the mystery has his eyes narrowed on her]
You said "encryptions" -- meaning you were made to forget?
... They killed everyone else, but even though I managed to get away, I didn't make it out unscathed. Until relatively recently, I couldn't access these memories without a lot of effort, and at great risk at that.
[ so yes, something made her forget, and someone really wanted this incident covered up. ]
I knew it happened. I just couldn't actively remember anything about it.
I'm a Doll. I'm meant to carry out whatever orders and missions humans decide to assign me to. But that was my first and only official mission. I was working for NatSec, then.
[ at the back of her mind a program blares a warning at her. it doesn't matter. it's been defanged enough.
not quite a mention of what it is she's doing now, though, considering whoever it was that had compromised the mission leading to the butterfly incident, that didn't want any witnesses leading back to them. ]
... Before recently, I wouldn't have even been able to speak about this in anything but vague generalizations.
[Something... crosses Sanji's face, a vaguely ill look of someone who is not so unfamiliar with the general concept of Dolls -- and he is forced to look away, breathing quietly through his nose.]
You... you have to serve humans then?
[It's very clear that's not the answer he's hoping to hear]
[... Breathing slow, and quietly, even though it's obvious his expression has already been noted and there's no way to hide how discontent he suddenly feels]
Aa... got it.
[And for a beat, he doesn't know what else to say. "sorry" would be... stupid]
A squad shrouded in mystery. ▓▓▓▓▒ has met them once, and others can only guess at the members' identities from rumors. Members of the squad all have advanced AI and high capacity for independent operation. Rumor has it that Squad 404 usually deals with ░▓▒▓▓▓▒▓▓▒▒▒░░
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no subject
Date: 2020-07-01 11:20 pm (UTC)Ah, Sanji... does not like this.
Because his own memory, frustrating though it was to share, is still shaped by his current convictions. Had 45 asked him if he still felt the same way today, Sanji's reply would have been an even, bemused stare, as if asking why she bothered to question in the first place.
A memory that is private, but proof of Sanji's pride.
45's memory, however... What he just felt and witnessed looked like death, and his expression chills into place]
You-- died?
no subject
Date: 2020-07-02 12:34 am (UTC)[ slowly, she traces the scar running down her face, across her eye. ]
I survived that, somehow. But ...
[ the memory is pretty certain, even with the way it cuts off abruptly at the end. ]
I don't know how. I can't remember anything after that. Just remembering that at all is an effort, with the encryptions placed on me. But there was no way I could have fought her off, after that, and it's doubtful she suddenly decided to show mercy and spare me after everything.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-04 03:33 am (UTC)You said "encryptions" -- meaning you were made to forget?
[The hell.]
no subject
Date: 2020-07-04 04:24 am (UTC)[ so yes, something made her forget, and someone really wanted this incident covered up. ]
I knew it happened. I just couldn't actively remember anything about it.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-06 08:43 pm (UTC)[It's just. openly prying at this point, to sate his curiosity. He rewinds the memory in his head, squinting at it for clues]
I mean, it sounds like high-risk, high-reward shit that the general public wouldn't know anything about.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-07 04:25 pm (UTC)[ at the back of her mind a program blares a warning at her. it doesn't matter. it's been defanged enough.
not quite a mention of what it is she's doing now, though, considering whoever it was that had compromised the mission leading to the butterfly incident, that didn't want any witnesses leading back to them. ]
... Before recently, I wouldn't have even been able to speak about this in anything but vague generalizations.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-10 09:35 pm (UTC)You... you have to serve humans then?
[It's very clear that's not the answer he's hoping to hear]
no subject
Date: 2020-07-12 02:48 am (UTC)Dolls were made to protect humanity.
[ it's singsonged out, light and soft, gentle and lilting. it's sharp like a dagger's edge, wrapped finely in silk. ]
We were made to follow orders.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-12 03:28 am (UTC)Aa... got it.
[And for a beat, he doesn't know what else to say. "sorry" would be... stupid]
... Are you going back to that life?
no subject
Date: 2020-07-12 04:00 am (UTC)[ relax, sanji, there's at least a little good news. ]
No, but I'm what you might call a special case.