[ He is never going to leave this room ever again. That's what he thought, but even though he's on the bed— flat on his back like he didn't just get clawed through- all he's reminded of is that he used to share this bed with Dazai and now
well.
He looks over at 45, brows weakly furrowed at the question before they smooth out again, like he wants to be angry but doesn't have the energy. ]
No. Why the hell would I...
[ There are no willing volunteers, he thinks. 45 is right there. ]
[ What plan? When Toi was the one who was forced to go up there, that was exactly what Ayabe said to him too: if the choice was either random or volunteer, the best thing for everybody's mental stability is to get one person who is most used to killing and have them do it. Immediately, he had felt horrible for thinking it, though, because— as far as he's aware of and wants desperately to believe— there is nobody here experienced in and comfortable with killing. Even if they were, asking them to kill one more person would be cruel.
If he had to start the day all over again, he wonders whether he would still think that, or if he would force himself to stand instead. ]
I don't know. If I were in Dazai's shoes... I wouldn't want it to be a friend. I don't want to see the pain on a friend's face when I die.
[ But he still stuttered, but that doubt still sprung up when she pointed it out, and he wonders for a moment whether subconsciously he'd done just that. Gave up.
Sehr gut. There are people depending on you, after all.
[ What the fuck was that memory, Ayabe. Still, she finally settles in and makes herself comfortable on the chaise, crossing her legs and examining him carefully. ]
... We shall have to take volunteers again next time, I think. Some of us may be more willing than others to take on that burden. Some of us may even be more familiar with it.
But there is at least one person here whose profile mentions assassination, and more aside who I'm sure would be willing to spare people like you or Toi a repeated experience.
[ Assassination... he frowns and sort of looks over at his closet where his notebook is. Just like robots and demons, he had thrown out a lot of the information from those profiles out of his head early on, on the account of them being utterly ridiculous. ]
...........Horikawa?
[ The baby sword who Ayabe just went "Yeah, he's six" for four weeks? ]
... But seeing as it would be rude of me to volunteer another person for them without consulting them first, I would also be willing to take up the role of willing volunteer, if it should spare others their consciences.
[ That fucking memory that Ayabe had to sit through twice and now he's hmm whenever he's down in the basement in the laundry room in sight of that lake. ]
You shouldn't have to do that. But... it would be better... nobody here should have to be forced to take another life.
[ To this day I keep staring at the GFL timeline, putting together the time markers and explicit mentions of "exactly a year ago" and staring at my hands going 'everything happens so fast, what do you mean it's only been [redacted] years.' So thanks, Hori, for aging everyone. ]
Yes. Or. If that bothers you, then we have swordsmen here too. Ones clearly familiar with the type of injuries bladed weapons leave on a human body.
No, it's... not whether it bothers me. That sort of thing should be for others to decide, for themselves especially.
[ When it comes down to it, they're the ones volunteering, so does the comfort of everybody else matter? They're doing people like Ayabe a favor, so nobody has to be forced to kill when they aren't capable. ]
[ He's quiet at first, because he's uncomfortable with anything revolving around death. Of course he would be. He's never had it shoved into his face like this before. ]
...I don't. Nobody wants to kill. You're offering for other people's sake. I think more of you, not less.
[ And he can do that because he feels uninvolved in it; he won't ever voluntarily kill somebody, and he is in no position to judge people either. If he has opinions, he'll keep them to himself. ]
A squad shrouded in mystery. ▓▓▓▓▒ has met them once, and others can only guess at the members' identities from rumors. Members of the squad all have advanced AI and high capacity for independent operation. Rumor has it that Squad 404 usually deals with ░▓▒▓▓▓▒▓▓▒▒▒░░
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no subject
Date: 2020-03-15 08:36 pm (UTC)well.
He looks over at 45, brows weakly furrowed at the question before they smooth out again, like he wants to be angry but doesn't have the energy. ]
No. Why the hell would I...
[ There are no willing volunteers, he thinks. 45 is right there. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-03-16 12:39 am (UTC)[ what mercy is that? ]
There could be multiple reasons for it. None of them apply here. I shouldn't have assumed you all had a plan.
[ No one willingly becomes a monster, but some of them already have. Why not let the monsters among them handle what the ones who aren't cannot. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-03-16 03:40 am (UTC)If he had to start the day all over again, he wonders whether he would still think that, or if he would force himself to stand instead. ]
I don't know. If I were in Dazai's shoes... I wouldn't want it to be a friend. I don't want to see the pain on a friend's face when I die.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-16 04:34 am (UTC)[ Or is this just post-execution trauma, the result of getting the least suited to handle the dirty work best left for others? ]
no subject
Date: 2020-03-16 04:57 am (UTC)[ But he still stuttered, but that doubt still sprung up when she pointed it out, and he wonders for a moment whether subconsciously he'd done just that. Gave up.
He shakes his head. ]
No way. I'm... going home. I have to.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-16 05:13 am (UTC)[ What the fuck was that memory, Ayabe. Still, she finally settles in and makes herself comfortable on the chaise, crossing her legs and examining him carefully. ]
... We shall have to take volunteers again next time, I think. Some of us may be more willing than others to take on that burden. Some of us may even be more familiar with it.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-16 05:24 am (UTC)What— No, I don't want Toi doing that again.
[ Because nobody here has ever killed anybody besides him and Toi, obviously!!! ]
no subject
Date: 2020-03-16 05:40 am (UTC)Certainly, I wasn't talking about Toi.
But there is at least one person here whose profile mentions assassination, and more aside who I'm sure would be willing to spare people like you or Toi a repeated experience.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-16 05:42 am (UTC)...........Horikawa?
[ The baby sword who Ayabe just went "Yeah, he's six" for four weeks? ]
no subject
Date: 2020-03-16 05:48 am (UTC)[ he of the 336 year ocean memory, apparently. ]
... But seeing as it would be rude of me to volunteer another person for them without consulting them first, I would also be willing to take up the role of willing volunteer, if it should spare others their consciences.
[ and avoid further displays like today. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-03-16 05:53 am (UTC)You shouldn't have to do that. But... it would be better... nobody here should have to be forced to take another life.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-16 06:28 am (UTC)Just so.
Besides, it's better if someone like me does it anyway.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-17 04:19 am (UTC)Someone like you? Because you're used to handling guns?
[ Saying like she hunts animals, instead of killing. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-03-17 03:41 pm (UTC)Yes. Or. If that bothers you, then we have swordsmen here too. Ones clearly familiar with the type of injuries bladed weapons leave on a human body.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-18 02:32 am (UTC)[ When it comes down to it, they're the ones volunteering, so does the comfort of everybody else matter? They're doing people like Ayabe a favor, so nobody has to be forced to kill when they aren't capable. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-03-18 07:49 am (UTC)[ that's fine. it means he's civilian. normal. and this is messy business- especially so, for the lack of reason any of them have.
she tsks, briefly, and her smile goes entirely too bland. ]
Do you think less of me for offering? That I might value life less than some of the others here?
no subject
Date: 2020-03-18 06:31 pm (UTC)...I don't. Nobody wants to kill. You're offering for other people's sake. I think more of you, not less.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-21 02:57 pm (UTC)[ most people wouldn't want it shoved into their faces. that's why it falls on others to take care of it, out of sight, out of mind.
shame they can't quite manage that here. ]
Funny. That's the opposite of what I might have expected. Not everyone would see it that way.
no subject
Date: 2020-03-22 11:08 pm (UTC)[ And he can do that because he feels uninvolved in it; he won't ever voluntarily kill somebody, and he is in no position to judge people either. If he has opinions, he'll keep them to himself. ]
no subject
Date: 2020-03-23 02:13 am (UTC)Hmm.
Well, as you do, then. Perhaps I should leave you be for now, then. To decompress.