holding my pride tight until your tears dry;

[recrypt]

Comments

[swordflash]

I was just walking around.

[ and ducking into a lot of cabins and buildings along the way. it's a miserable outing, but the horses are pleasant. ]

Anyway, even if you don't have a lot of experience, your opinion still matters!

[recrypt]

... huh.

[ in the pouring rain? didn't he get struck by lightning? isn't the saying something like 'once burned, twice shy?'

apparently not. ]

Why would it? Shouldn't the opinions of people familiar with something naturally hold more weight?

[swordflash]

[ getting struck by lightning hasn't stopped him from climbing trees again, either. this one learns the hard way. ]

That doesn't mean yours are unimportant.

So? What are your thoughts on animals?

[recrypt]

They're nice, I suppose. Stray cats aren't so bad, for one, whether they're android or organic.

[ and you find a fair couple of those while slumming it on the shadier side of life, anyway. ]

[swordflash]

Android? Does that mean they're like you?

[ he doesn't fully understand what 45 is nor how she works, but he pictures luna in his head whenever he gives either some thought. ]

[recrypt]

Yes. There's a number of android animals out in the world, by my time...

[ maybe it's how she lets her thoughts stray briefly that allows the weekly effect of the camp this week to take hold, a memory etching itself into zenitsu's mind. ]

[ you're on a covered rooftop balcony. the doll hanging upside down in front of you was stupid indeed, to have come back after attempting to leave you in cyberspace, but despite yourself you wait for her to wake up anyway.

"uuu..."

"ah, you're awake?"

"...45? why are you standing on the ceiling...?" reina seems slow to get her bearings. well, apparently electronic warfare really isn't something most dolls can handle after all. "where is this place... am i still in cyberspace?"

your tone is light and mild. "no, you are most definitely in the real world now." let's see how long it takes for her to react.

it takes a long moment for it to sink in. "...eh?" says reina. "why am i... i'm dangling from the ceiling?! wait, no- you... how did you escape from the highest-level lockdown?"

oh, that's almost funny if you still weren't entirely unimpressed with the doll in front of you. "highest-level lockdown? who were you expecting to trap with petty tricks like that? it was just the firewall of a civilian server. however good it was, it couldn't last beyond a single hit. it didn't even meet the expectations of it i had when i scanned the server."

"huh? you mean... you took down the entire server?"

"what do you think?" she's the one who asked you to do so, wasn't she? of course you knew she'd been planning to run, but if you'd been anyone else you might almost feel a little insulted. civilian dolls really don't know what even defective tactical dolls are capable of, hm? "i found the lockdown logic on my first-pass scan and it gave me a rough idea on how they were restricting their dolls. i was prepared to destroy the logic and prevent them from committing any new crimes using the same methods... but you ran faster than i expected. you slipped away before i had the chance to do anything."

"so... you knew what i was planning from the start?"

you level her a flat, meaningless smile. "it's true that i guessed you'd bolt the moment anything happened. what i didn't expect was that you'd log back into the server again after."

it seems the more you say, the more confused reina gets. "then everything i did... did it just make me look like a fool?"

"yes, just like a fool." you shift your weight and cross your legs primly where you're seated. "and as punishment for running away, i strung you up before you regained consciousness so i could better savor the stupid-looking spectacle that you are."

reina makes another faint, shamed noise as her situation presumably sinks in. "i'm sorry... ah, but... why would you go this far for me? even among humans, they'd only pay a price that ought not to be paid for things like family."

"i don't care about any price or whatever," you respond, bluntly, flatly. "i helped you simply because i couldn't tolerate people like that controlling dolls in that way. it reminded me of some bad memories, and i'd hate for them to happen to others."

"...your past wasn't a nice place either, was it?"

she'll have to learn that hers is hardly the only sob story around, and you make a derisive noise to demonstrate what you think that that particular sentiment. "speaking of which, what were you hoping to accomplish by going back, anyway? do you even know how to disable a firewall's lockdown?"

"i... um, i don't. but at the time, my gut was telling me that i shouldn't just leave you like that..."

... ugh. you stand, and lower reina gently to the ground. "go. get out of my sight, and never show yourself in front of me again."

she looks bewildered. probably she's going to mention- "you... you don't want my credits? we had a deal..."

"i already checked. the savings you were talking about never existed."

another faint, bewildered noise. "... i don't get it."

"what don't you get?"

"why did you do this? there was nothing in it for you. you weren't going to get paid for it," says reina, outlining things you both already know. "you even knew i was going to betray you and run off by myself. even if you couldn't stand what those humans were doing, it wasn't worth you risking yourself for this!"

you eye her for a moment. "...i simply felt that you were very much like my former self. if someone who'd had the ability to bring it all crumbling down had been by my side back then, perhaps all those things wouldn't have happened."

"what do you mean?" asks reina, hopelessly lost. "i... i still don't understand..."

a small amount of humorless laughter comes to your lips unbidden as you turn to head to the door leading out to the balcony. "it's good that you don't understand. it proves that despite everything, you had a fairly decent life."

"wait," reina says. "where are you going?"

you pause only long enough to offer her some advice as you leave. "i told you, didn't i? the more you know, the more likely you'll be destroyed. there's nothing tying you down anymore. go do whatever you want to do." ]

[ ... hm. so, about that story she told, back in that first week... ]

[swordflash]

[ going from such a basic topic to something far more complicated, zenitsu feels almost overwhelmed coming back from the memory. it's strange how everything 45 said made sense in the memory, only to become a garbled mess again in his own mind. it's not that he's forgotten—there's just so much to parse for someone who's largely unfamiliar with such technology and been given a wealth of knowledge in a single moment.

in the end, he just blinks as he looks at 45 in surprise. he remembers the story, vividly. ]

The traveler was you?

[recrypt]

[ it takes her a moment to go from reliving the memory to taking in the present again, but her eyes focus relatively quickly as she fixes him with ... somewhat of a wry expression? ]

Well. I certainly wasn't the girl.

[swordflash]

[ same old 45. ]

Why didn't you just say that it was you?

[recrypt]

Maybe I wanted you to decide how you felt about them without any preconceived notions involved.

[swordflash]

It feels kind of different, coming from another point of view . . .

[recrypt]

... It would feel different coming from my point of view, too.

[swordflash]

[ he nods. ]

It was more sobering this time.

[recrypt]

Heehee. Are you surprised, though? You must know by now.

Despite appearances, I'm really quite a sober doll.

[swordflash]

[ whatever his thoughts on that are, he takes a moment to consider his answer in regards to the story. ]

I liked this side more. Your side.

[recrypt]

Did you now. Did we see the same memory?

[ she's out here berating and mocking reina for being an idiot, after all. ]

[swordflash]

Yeah. I think so.

[ he sounds pensive. ]

It reminds me of something that someone told me a while back.

[recrypt]

You can't just say something like that and not elaborate, you realize?

[swordflash]

[ there's a brief lull as he considers his answer. ]

It was about compassion.

You did what you did, because you saw something familiar in her, right? It was about that.

[recrypt]

[ ... hm. ]

Ah, ah. Don't go attributing things to me that I'm not, Zenitsu. I'm hardly that kind or charitable.

Getting rid of an irritating reminder of the past doesn't necessitate compassion. She's just lucky to have benefited from it. She was stupid, and desperate, and in a bad situation that probably, unfortunately, isn't as uncommon as you'd think. If I'd left her alone she probably would have gotten herself killed eventually, either by trying the same thing she did on me against someone who wasn't as forgiving, or eventually outliving any use she had.

[swordflash]

[ he watches her the whole time she speaks, and through it all his expression doesn't change. ]

You knew what it meant to be her, so you freed her. You understood her plight and made a choice not to abandon her. You even stayed until she regained consciousness. I think that makes you compassionate.

[recrypt]

You are all entirely too eager to project those sorts of traits onto me.

[ him and other people both. ]

Suppose I left her unconscious, and something happened in my absence. What an utter waste of time that would have been. I did what was logical, that's all.

[swordflash]

[ that sounds more like her conscience speaking, but he supposes that she would know herself best. so he doesn't contest her words, merely voicing his opinion instead. ]

If something were a waste of time, I wouldn't have bothered at all.

[ going back and then staying—he would have done neither of those things. ]

[recrypt]

Perhaps that's what some would have done, then. I likely would have, if it weren't for the fact that it irritates me to be reminded of humans like that existing.

[ simply. the truth? who knows. ]

[swordflash]

[ there's another word for that. it's called righteousness.

rather than argue semantics, he gives her a long look. ]

You're really incredible, 45.